Question: Is it possible to live without anger?
Answer: Probably not at this stage of our evolution. I think the best thing we can do is recognize each time we are angry and then deal with it in a compassionate way. One step at a time.
Question: Is it about how we choose to look at things?
Answer: Absolutely! If we can just find our unmet need instead of getting angry, we will have a much better chance to satisfy that need. Even if we cannot satisfy our need, we will be happier by just understanding it is our problem, not someone elses
Question: How should we approach the feelings others bring out of us?
Answer: Try to understand where they are coming from. They may not be right, but they have a problem and we make it our problem by getting mad.
Question: How do we stop pushing our anger on others?
Answer: Try taking a deep breath before responding and wait about 10 seconds. Then think about what our need is. Also, don’t judge the circumstances, just observe. The facts are probably not what they seem anyway. Try to understand the other person’s concern before responding.
Why do we expect others to conform to the way we want things?
Answer: It is in our egocentric nature. The solution is part of what the Buddhist call detachment. We need to detach ourselves from the circumstances we find ourselves in and the ones surrounding anger are a great place to start. It is amazing how that can free us from judgement and unhappiness.
Question: How can you just stop being angry?
Answer: It is not easy but certainly possible. Look at the circumstances and determine what your unmet need is? When you think it through you will see how irrational your anger is. Try to see the humor in the situation.
Question: Other people cause us to get angry and things happen, but we need to take responsibility for what we do when we are in an angry state. How can we learn from this?
Answer: Other people push our hot buttons and we react. Analyze your hot buttons so you are more aware of what causes your anger. Things like: honor, pride, fear, jealously, independence, authority, etc. Try to see what makes you mad and why. Spiritual growth is all about understanding who we are and why we act the way we do.
Question: Is karma still going to get you even though you do something for the greater good?
Answer: As I said on the show, I disagree with the Buddhist perspective on karma. I think karma is a teaching tool. When we make a mistake we need to learn why and what is right. For example, soldiers can kill for the betterment of others and I don’t see them getting karma for it. Acting selflessly will not create karma.
Question: Where would we get theses teaching? How do we know if the one teaching us is in fact knowledgeable of what they are teaching?
Answer: Leonard Scheff’s book is “A Cow in the Parking Lot” and available on Amazon. You need to make your own decision for what is right and wrong. If it feels right it is probably right. Get different perspectives and decide what makes the most sense to you. Ultimately, we are held responsible for what we believe, and no one else.
Question: How do we recognize what our hot buttons are?
Answer: Look back at the times you were angry and analyze what caused them. Those are at least some of your hot buttons.
Question: How do we take the time to recognize the anger before the bottle explodes?
Answer: Good point. You need to get in the habit of waiting 10 seconds before responding. During those 10 seconds you need to get into the habit of asking yourself what your unmet need is. This may take longer than ten seconds, which is all for the better. Once you start thinking about your unmet need, the bottle will probably not explode.
Question: Can Mr Scheff do seminars via Skype so he does not need to travel?
Answer: Leonard has moved on from this type of work. I think if you read the book you will get a good bit out of it.